A radio soap opera for CKUT-FM Montréal and aired internationally, 14 episodes.
Squeaky Clean began as two short audio art works on cart by Christof Migone and Sarah Toy during Radio Contortions, an international radio art festival hosted by CKUT-FM in Montréal in the summer of 1991.
Christof Migone and Sarah Toy produced the series along with 3 guest producers: Geneviève Heistek, Joost Ouwerkerk, and Hani Habashi.
Squeaky Clean includes threads or threats of a narrative but follows no script, the episodes arose out of improvisation sessions in the studio which each producer would take as raw material and give it a form.
Squeaky Clean, in contrast to conventional narratives, focuses on incidental characters, improbable events and imaginary spaces.
Squeaky Clean is an ear-in-cheek romp through the conventions of television soap operas and radio dramas.
The myriad voices of Squeaky Clean came from volunteers at CKUT-FM. For their contribution they were coaxed, trapped, bribed, and in the end hopefully, enticed. They gave us not only their voice but their interpretation of the setting we would create around them. Simple techniques such as, for example, turning off all lights in the studio, or giving them random noises over their headphones, would help in fostering a certain degree of unpredictability in the recording.
A small run of cassettes was produced.
Scroll down for REVIEWS.
A POST-SCRIPT: Squeaky Clean
A postscript seemed appropriate for something which never had a script in the first place. So it’s also the only way to document it in print, in fact it is a transcription with the addition of hindsight commentary.
1. EPISODE 1: “We strike a match”
by Christof Migone
voices: Sarah Toy, Christof Migone, Geneviève Heistek, Bryan Zuraw, Ron Nessim, Hani Habashi.
intro
welcome to this story,
a story of things on fire, cold fires, hot fires, accidents and just a little bit of gossip
– you’ve always been intereted in lengths
– ya, ya this is true
– I always thought that to be very silly actually
– really?
– ya
– well, i’m interested in what lengths people will go to
this is no ordinary story
– i want to deconstruct your narration then
it might confuse you, it might unerve you, it might entice you or seduce you
(more intro music)
and it starts abruptly
and it starts abruptly
– woof H b-1
– try to get the needle up to zero
– looks a lot like a…that thing that you a…
– the rubber bit
– ya
– itís interesting
– ya
– it’s quite… and a… ya…
badly sung:1 potato 2 potato 3 potato 4
– well you know if i really.. i could take it off your hands
– well you know what i could probably do
(phone ring)
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalal
– thereís an intruder
– oh my god do you recognize him?
– I don’t think he can seee us
– it’s quite strange
– itís the guy who started the fire
– I thought you started the fire
– No, I saw wires coming out of the fire
– wee
What do you think of the story so far?
ìI’m amused I’m intrigued I’m rather enjoying itî.
– Who’s Bryan? Who’s Ron? Who set the fire? Are the wires still on fire? And what is that thing?
(bang bang)
– Ron (laughs)
– Ron, are you Ron?
And the story ends abruptly
And the story ends abruptly
extro: In fact the story does not end, stay tuned for the next episode of squeaky clean
2. EPISODE 2: “The fire rages on”
by Sarah Toy
… someone started the fire, now everyone’s a suspect…
3. EPISODE 3: “The investigation begins”
by Christof Migone
Previously on Squeaky Clean suspicion were aroused but the evidence so far is inconclusive.
I told you about the fire last time, but I forget to tell you that someobdy was in the fire and that somebody isn’t doing too well… we rushed hinm to the hospital, the patient there emitted a strange sax-like squeak, [squeak] and then died.
The funeral took place a few days later
[backwards choir]
Beautiful choir donít you think? At the reception afterwards people were kind of quiet and I got to thinking there that we never found out who died and how?
the day after the funeral what seems to have been the murder weapon was found near the site of the fire.
case number 903 description of suspected murder weapon part I.
well like a torture device for alcoholics and maybe for somebody who’s into funny looking dead fruit and itís orange I hate orange, it’s got to be the ugliest color in the world
I’d call it a post-apocalyptic christmas gift, looks like the kind of thing you’d open the day after the world blow up, seems to appear that way to me, i don’t know it’s got alien life forms that have thorns sticking out of them, few metallic creatures from another planet,thatís what it looks like to me
wonder if these two little thorny ever spoke, wonder what theyíd say to each other, they’d probably make comments on how sharp they personalities were.
is this the real murder weapon or just an innocent bystander is, stay tuned for ther next episode of Squeaky Clean to find out.
4. EPISODE 4: “The object is lust”
by Christof Migone
voices: Merianne Couture, Dawn Upfold
Previously on Squeaky Clean a suspicious object, is it significant to the story? intro music
Squeaky Clean: a radio soap opera episode 4 The object is lust
Case number 903 descriptiomn of suspected murder weapon part II
There’s some remaining skin and hair from the last thing that was in there. Oops. Thatís a razor blade in there, my goodness me, so you bring it down like that and you almost touch the cork and the thing. you take the hook and you pull it with the hook, like that. Oops.
well this thing, this thing…is just it’s encrusted you know itís the kind of thing that when you look at that you donít want to breathe in, not too quickly anyway. Don’t want to rub the little dust weevils all over it. And um, when someone says ‘thing’ to me it’s either a concept or something i can hold, oh my god what’s that is it alive? or is it dead? it’s a it’s a… ugh i’m going to touch it anyway, looks a bit sharp, looks dead anyway, maybe it’s hollow, i don’t know those dried out insect husks, they’re brittle, they break and sometimes if you tocuh them, that’s horrible, your fingers go right though them, oh my god thatís horrible, right through them! god! and sometimes if you touch them…
ouch!
A while ago i asked how you were enjoying the story so far
how do you feel about it now?
I’m NOT amused I’m NOT intrigued and I’m rather NOT enjoying
So, you’re NOT amused, you’re NOT intrigued and you’re NOT enjoying it. Maybe it’s because I forget to tell you about what makes our tongues tickle and our ears twitch: lust and love…
step 1 the meeting:
hello, hello, hello baby, want a kiss
step 2 well, step 2 happens rather quickly sometimes and with a perversion fitting for this story
well… i used the tools that i had on hand
step 3 sometimes happens sometimes you just donít care
ok, so,… perhaps we can continue this some other time?
oouch!
what have you done for us lately?
so there’s the requisite lust but remember this is squeaky so keep it clean, stay tuned for the next episode
5. EPISODE 5: “The warm winds of romance”
by Sarah Toy
6. EPISODE 6: “The narrator sneezes”
by Christof Migone
Previously on Squeaky Clean we witnessed a twist in the the tale, a tale which is chasing its own story
you will fall in love
yes, I think you will
a dark tall stranger
oops
that’s right
I’m the narrator
yes, that’s right
you must trust me
of course
I’m the narrator
and who are you exactly?
oops
oh I see, you are!
yes
well you fall in love
yes
of course
well, if I were you which I’m not of course I’m the narrator
well, if I were you I would [break]
oops/laugh
so youíre telling me it’s going to be a hard journey
i will fall in love
sneeze
i don’t thnik so
with whom?
you perhaps?
sneeze
so in fact all youíve told me so far is not necessarily true
ah ha, so they all have happy endings
not at all
not at all
wishful thinking
yes
sneeze
I just a character
yes
and we live happily ever after
No
Yes
I see
sneeze
so what happens to me
sneeze
I thought you said it had a happy ending
oh I said it had a happy ending
yes
yes of course
sneeze
and we all live happily ever after
no
I thought you said it had a happy end
well, no
yes
not at all
oh, I said it had a happy ending
thatís right
wishful thinking
yes
sneeze
stay tuned and weíll send the narrator out for a walk
but not too far on the next episode of Squeaky Clean
7. EPISODE 7: “A pop story”
by Joost Ouwerkerk
8. EPISODE 8: “Dear listener”
by Sarah Toy
9. EPISODE 9: “It’ll be great”
by Christof Migone
voices: Puelo Deir, Louise Burns, Sarah Toy, Montreal Gazette Info-Line Computer voice, Def Jeff, Stuart Greer, Margo Beauregard
sounds: Consolidated
intro music
previously on Squeaky Clean we searched for an answer, but all we found were question
and now from… [whisper] what’s your name again?
Steven brace well
oh stevn bracewell, hit it
a recent government report released by the department of communications suggests that the people at CKUT-FM are out of their minds
laughs
Oh I’m sorry I’m doing a character in a soap my digit number is 1616, oh (yawn) and I bore people and flicketyflick and my belly hangs over my plaid shorts and sometimes when i bend over you can see my underwear. i’m the boring part of the soap they wouln’t give me a bigger role they told me I (yawn)… so there you go
My name is Daphne de Lolio and I somehow have something to do with this soap opera, i’m actually an Aquarius and but I know that I have some planets in Scorpio as well which makes for my passionate nature. Muy character numbver is 6789, and there is something about that number that I find very attractive I think it’s the ascending order of the numbers
hey what’s going on, you didn’t enter anything. Go ahead and puch in a four digit category, it’ll be great
let’s try it again
again? oh…are you ready and now back to our regualrly scheduled program but before this a word from Steven bracewell,
a recent government report released by the department of communications suggests that the people at CKUT-90.3FM are out of their minds.
I don’t think it’s that funny.
my name is Reggie, my friends call me Reginald, my digit number is 1011121 I have a cold right now, I’m sort of in this perpetual state of stuffiness and as a result I sleep a lot And that’s about it really this is kind of personal
Reginlad? I don’t know but if I had a name like that I wouldn’t come out on the street. You know what I’m saying. Ok so what do I have to know, I have to know who I am. My name, ‘cos I don’t know you. I have a four difit number. So they call me the J Man. So they know who I am. That’s J for Jeff, right ‘cos I’m like freaky funky fresh the Def J. I just talk to people I know. So they just call me J. JOh, jusdt stop it for a second I don’t even know who I am yet.
I’d lieke to talk to you about my campaign. It’s called Hands Across America my name is Edwina, as you can see I have three of my toes. I hope to lose another toe for this cause. Well, my mission in the soap box opera, of course is to try and go around and collect as many diogits as I can. My digit, by the way is 4732.
Hey what’s going on, you didn’t enter anything. Go ahead and punch in a four-digit category, it’ll be great!
try again, one more time
one more time… and now a word from Steven Braithewell
it’s bracewell
Braithwell
try again
and now a word from Steven Braithewell
Bracewell
brace like…
ya
and now a word from Steven Braithewell
bracewell!
and now a word from Steven Bracewell
a recent government report released by the department of communications suggests that the people at CKUT-90.3FM are out of their minds.
It’s true.
Stay tuned of the next episode where more characters present themselves whether they’re lean, mean or freaky.
10. EPISODE 10: “Nodulations”
by Sarah Toy
11. EPISODE 11: “The object is lust”11. Mermaids
by Christof Migone
voices: Geneviève Heistek, Sarah Toy, Steven Bracewell.
sounds: water sounds from Einsturzende Neubauten ‘Kollaps’
Previously on Squeaky Clean the composite makeup of the characters were tossed around
it’s far far way in a beautiful place
we were on a ship and then .. I don’t know how to explain it, and then the water was rising and then my headphones were cutting in and out and I can’t hear myself speak at all
itís far far way in a beautiful place
and I saw the waves were getting bigger and bigger and the wind was blowing and I just could not get my lifejacket on, you know how they have these dumb little whistles that you’re supposed to blow
it’s far far way in a beautiful place
what a desperate situation, i’ve never been in one beofre but i imagine this is what you must do you mind is jumping from one place to the toher and you just can’t figure out how the hell you are going to get out of this place
it’s far far way in a beautiful place
the waves were crashing against the bows of the boat and I thought here’s my chance to meet mermaids. If I go over the side of the ship I might actually meet a mermaid
water sounds, singing of Styx “Babe”
turn that machine off
oh god he’s taping it… wait here we go
these headphone are horrible
I can’t hear, turn it up a bit
I would venture to say that I can’t hear myself
singing Magic by Pilot
jeez that’s horrible
we need our headphone to be able to perform
ho ho ho
oh thatís much better
ho ho ho it’s magic
i can’t hear it
if we sing an it’s not loud enough we cna’t hear it anymore
the headphones are crap that’s all.
Styx “Babe”
feedback
gross
I wish I could hear it. is is getting low or… it’s almost gone now.
mine is alright now for some reason
itís been stealing from my signal;. oh, hold on I heard it for a second
now I’ve lost mine
here we go, oh
ya you gotta shake it around
bad singing: rhinestone cowboy
extro stay tuned for the next episode where the characters sing a different tune, a darker song
12. EPISODE 12: “The devil said something”
by Hani Habashi
13. EPISODE 13: “Oversnipping”
by Geneviève Heistek
14. EPISODE 14: “The body cracks”
by Christof Migone
voices: Dan Berman
Previously on Squeaky Clean we cut the story into snips, we snapped the crack of the story we had a snack in between
These theories about soap operas being a kind of feminine genre as opposed to a masculine genre because itís all about the relationships it’s never about understanding or coming to a conclusion about those relationships are, or that the whole plot of their existence only about interaction with others
you should not do that
soap operas donít have happy anything. I mean happiness happens throughout soap operas but one of the basic characteristics of soap operas is instability and unhappiness
just checking
thatís terrible
ok, youíre trying to exlude me from youíre secrets
thereís a whole cult of gossip around soap operas and it’s lie there’s this thing that everybody knows everybody else so there are like an extended family to these people and it means that they have this common point of reference. If I talked about my aunt Mary to you you wouldn’t know who I was talking about so we wouldn’t have a basis for a relationship but through television soaps we can share this family and it becomes part of our intimate circle of gossip
all the speculating is done for you. it’sd just like playing the lottery, you may think that you have won and yet most chances are that you did not. so you can speculate on other poeple’s lives while their lives are being speculated in another way an while all this happens you don’t have to pay enven on iota of attention to your own life
there is a way in which this gossip works and people have gossip that’s part of their everyday lives, there’s the gosssip in the families and town gossip and things like that but then there’s the gossip about the soaps and maybe it’s a far less dangerous type of gossip because it means that you can speculate on other people’s lives without you having to damage them.
thatís communication for you
[from violence of language]
the continuity is always scattered in a whole bunch of different directions all at one time so that really if an event happens it’s never the closing off of an event itís always the opening up of another story
the series does not end nor does it begin
it only has innards
in case youíre sick of us already
yes we are planning a sequel
and don’t forget to be squeaky is to be lean and to be clean is to be freaky.
REVIEWS
• High Performance (Winter 1992, Los Angeles), review by Josh Hartley.
Migone and Toy have created a playful and hilarious experimental soap opera that they describe as a “romp through the apparatus of the popular culture product”. The concept for this collaborative CD originated from a series broadcast on Canadian Radio. Sampling from the dialogue in soap operas, it sticks to no one narrative, mixing voices and plots into a complexly layered, wonderfully ridiculous and ironic package of entertainment.
