As x As
(2017 – ongoing)
Excerpts appeared in Shut Up (Preambles and Postfaces).
As (Close, Sure, Far, Low, Far, Convinced, High, Unsure, Problematic, Convinced, Definitive, Simple, Complicated) As
As close as we may be to finding the moment that constituted the break we are merely fooling ourselves for we are always in the break which is neither still nor silent but replete with the incessant scurries of too readily convinced, but steadfastly committed (though always compromised), communities.
As sure as I can be of what needs to be said I either can’t or won’t or simply haven’t yet because of the need to listen first and throughout and more, and again, and forever, and the conviction that that process will constantly shift what needs to be said into what needs to be unsaid.
As far as I know is not good enough, as far as you know isn’t either, for as long as we just stand there while everyone else is either working or thinking or making or doing or dying or at least trying something out, even though it’s just a naive attempt to understand the world that has stopped making any sense, or never did to begin with.
As low as you can go for as long as you can and as bad as it gets you are sure there are better times to come but you know it’ll take some work to get there or at least you hope so, but you are unsure of your ability or interest in making that happen.
As far as you can for as long as you can and as fast as you can, as if you could but you doubt you’ll be able to, or at least you never have and it would be a miracle if you ever did.
As convinced as you may be that the crimes caught and punished are but mere specks on the tips of all the icebergs on the oceans of mixed metaphors and run-on sentences of all the crimes committed you also realize that the law favors the makers and those who pull their strings but also that ultimately we are all criminals of one sort or the other.
As high as you may be on your well deserved accomplishments and although I may share with others the heaps of praise bestowed on you they are no match for the sense of dissatisfaction and disinterest and distrust and disbelief that fills our dreary days and restless nights.
As unsure as we are that talking is what’s needed let’s do it because the alternate prospect of simply letting it all go will gnaw at us until talking vanishes as an option because the will will have withered along the way.
As problematic as paradoxes are we are always the better for them as they twist and turn logic to a less obnoxious more manageable level that rations the rational from its insistent impartiality which is often nothing more than just cleverly hidden biases.
As convinced as you may be that all it’s going to take is figuring out how we should treat each other better I think you’ll soon figure out that what needs to be done is to jail all the fascists and abusers and oppressors and profiteers and abolish the prisons only after they all rot.
As definitive as you may be in thinking that these are merely musings of someone trying to figure out how we can tread more lightly in the process of navigating the world there is also the knowledge that what it will take is a whole lot of unlearning and relearning.
As simple as you make it seem, it isn’t and can’t be because you’ve ignored the fact yet again that it’s not all about you but it’s about everyone and when that amplification is accounted for it cannot be anything but complicated but at least now we’ve gotten somewhere.
As complicated as you make it out to be it’s actually even more complicated because it all comes down to love and that kernel is impossible to peer into unless you are able to accept that impasse for the simplicity it affords.