lights bare, ready to electrocute. lights fadein fadeout. lights breathe. break. she counted in her head, seconds, minutes. she watched the lights reflect in the milk bubbles. she watched the honey pour down his face, sicken, thick, gooey, shimmery. she worried about his eyes, offered her shit napkins to wipe his honey eyes. honeymilk. honeymitts. lights flickered. rose. fell. like them. fell. fell. fell. blackout. swimming in their shit. the sticky. motor for the homemade light dimmer motor hums slightly in the background.
weaklight, brighlight, weaklight… breathe into balloons. trembling in stillness. i have no age, no time, all the time in the world. sacred punishment time. it’s the only thing i know how to do. sound of plum meat flowing, diarrhetic. pile of plums turns inside out, turns vile and bile. swallow. choke. putrid. juice. spit. chew. snickers bars. stop looking at me. opening the skin’s surface pull apart the openings. peer. i don’t know if she’ll ever eat plums again. i am no longer hungry. famished. honey bucketful.
turning in from the inside out. either or none. all surface simultaneously. no openings left. all taken, plugged. dip head into. inside iam. enveloped. smell overwhelms. nauseates. pretty plum throwings upon his face. my vomit cools his steaming honey eyes. i am a slow moving still. a slow river moving still. am nowhere. i feel eyes on me, i can’t see. the honey stings my eyes. i become viscous and keep going into the bucket, can fit more and more of myself inside. head, hands, arms, elbows, shoulders. more plums more plums.
hold mouth closed with sticky fingertips. gag. try to stay present. we’re merging with our materials, flowleak, leaking bodies. our bodies are stains. bleached. broken. dripping. chewing. red up red down. redin redout. our body stains. honey condom. rationirrational. a still swallow persists. a slow fear leaks. separate. scared baby hands. scared baby mitts. we squish, we stick. children jerking off playing can’t keep their handsouttatheirpants. feeding off their own. disgust turning pleasurable then back againagain. fearcomfort. desirerepulsiondesire.
dissociation. blowing bubbles through a straw in milk. thick. clotted. spoiled. recite the abc’s in head. count to a thousandthousand. i’m gone. i’m there. saturation. chew. chew. chew. ouch. spit. spit. spit. save spit. precious vile. sexy deceptive honey. molasses. thicker. darker. sweeter. gag. chill running throughveins. sickness. breathe. rhythm. white. white. robbers. raccoons. she bubbles a bowl of milk for hours, we smoulder. we swell. we soak.
she’s in the world. where air becomes liquid. she’s lost it. looseconsciousness. blow. blow. blow. breath. sickening beautiful honey man. giving ourselves permission for. punishment. playing with our own shit. work mouth into spit. then buildup spit it into a longthinbottle. by now there are more fluids on us than inside us. the juice oozing from the pile of prune meat has seeped everywhere, it stains our white meat. bloody plums. clothes drenched.
damaged goods. goodwill pure. never pure. white is dirty. dirtiest. pretend pure. purity, only to announce its absence. it exists in loss, to announce its impossibility. honey decomposition. choke. nauseate. drowning in our own vomit. piss. saliva. menstrual blood. wipe tongue dry. perversion clinic. clinical perversion. present shit to audience on a silver tray. damagedgoods. ‘o sweet puppy. her tongue weapon. save spit. spoiling. going.
going. gone. the hospital has lots of jigsaw puzzles. it’s important to wash wash wash your hands. i have become viscous unspeakable. this screams louder than words. it pierces through with no need for language. it devours your intestines, colon, stomach and anus. you are no longer with organs or organic. you are about to leave disgusted, then you turn around, look again, and leave for good, this time with wound.