As X As

(2017)

Text piece.

Excerpts appeared in Shut Up (Preambles and Postfaces).

As (Close, Sure, Far, Low, Far, Convinced, High) As

As close as we may be to finding the moment that constituted the break we are merely fooling ourselves for we are always in the break which is neither still nor silent but replete with the incessant scurries of too readily convinced, but steadfastly committed (though always compromised), communities.

As sure as I can be of what needs to be said I either can’t or won’t or simply haven’t yet because of the need to listen first and throughout and more, and again, and forever, and the conviction that that process will constantly shift what needs to be said into what needs to be unsaid.

As far as I know is not good enough, as far as you know isn’t either, for as long as we just stand there while everyone else is either working or thinking or making or doing or dying or at least trying something out, even though it’s just a naive attempt to understand the world that has stopped making any sense, or never did to begin with.

As low as you can go for as long as you can and as bad as it gets you are sure there are better times to come but you know it’ll take some work to get there or at least you hope so, but you are unsure of your ability or interest in making that happen.

As far as you can for as long as you can and as fast as you can, as if you could but you doubt you’ll be able to, or at least you never have and it would be a miracle if you ever did.

As convinced as you may be that the crimes caught and punished are but mere specks on the tips of all the icebergs on the oceans of mixed metaphors and run-on sentences of all the crimes committed you also realize that the law favors the makers and those who pull their strings but also that ultimately we are all criminals of one sort or the other.

As high as you may be on your well deserved accomplishments and although I may share with others the heaps of praise bestowed on you they are no match for the sense of dissatisfaction and disinterest and distrust and disbelief that fills our dreary days and restless nights.